I'm here on Haad Yuen beach on Kho Phangan and I'm having an alright time. Thailand is not what I expected it to be. I'm still missing India like mad and having a hard time just chilling on the beach. I'm not really a "relaxer" per se so that may be part of the problem, but I also feel like I am spinning my wheels here and just burning time. I am having anxiety about coming home...I'm really nervous about leaving this trip behind and getting back to life. I have realized so many things about my life back in Vancouver and I am honestly more confused about where I am in my life now that I have been away. I've been feeling awfully lonely and down here, and even started crying in yoga class this morning. The teacher played a track from this album "Sacred Chants of Devi" that had Reena played for me the night before I left to come on my adventure. The song is a beautiful and haunting track regardless but it brought back the excitement and wonder of going away and I felt like I hit a wall. I broke down and started crying, secretly of course...it's hot and muggy enough for me to disguise my tears as beads of sweat. I'm really got to put my nose to the grindstone and figure out a way for me to get to London. I'm just putting it out there, and I have faith it will all work out. I need a change so bad.So the crazy thing is about this beach is that it is full of Vancouvites! The yoga teacher knows me from Beats Without Borders events (she has seen me dance a few times) and in the class I ran into 2 girls I used to party with waaaay back in the day when I was young and crazy (I'm still crazy but not that kind of crazy). The girls are Stacy and Shania (Tezra- Kirsten's friend Stacy). There was another girl in the class from the Drive so that was really funny to see her as well. Turns out that Haad Yuen is the beach to go to! I'm happy to have found Stacy and Shania. We are having a nice time eating loads of yummy food, drinking lots of shakes (pineapple & mint, coconut, and watermelon are my favorites) and of course our daily yoga class. It's been a nice distraction for my overactive mind. They are both moving home to Vancouver after 4 years of being away living in Japan. Stacy has been travelling for one and a half years now and I had just missed her at the Sivanada yoga ashram when I was there by 1 week. Strange.
I've been spending my days pretty much the same...getting up for yoga, eating with the class afterwards at the Bamboo restaurant, going for a swim, reading, watching movies at my bungalow and eating and reading some more. I'm not used to being this chill and I think that is one of the reasons that I am losing my mind! I'm struggling to keep my mood uplifted- I know I sound so melodramatic- but I am having alot of conflicting and confusing thoughts. It's hard being here in paradise and not being able to totally appreciate this beauty. I'm trying to stay present but my mind is a million miles away. Thailand is a good place to get away to but it's not really an experience nor an adventure...and that's the way I like to travel. I have run into more tourists here on this beach than I have in all my travels in India...and I go to sleep listening to banging house music. I miss the jangle of the temples of India in the morning, and the singsong intonation of Hindi.
I had my hair cut by this London hairdresser as my hair was in a dire need to get sorted out. He cut my hair really punky and I suddenly have baby bangs again ("Sweet ones darling") so I am coping with how to style my hair! Especially in this humidity....my hair has gone huge and corkscrewy! I hope the bangs grow out before I return...I look like I am 19 years old again (but with 10 yrs experience lol).
I'm gonna stay here till Sunday- till the end of my yoga pass- and I think that I'll fly to the north to go to Chiang Mai. A couple I met in Munnar (Leeanne and Mike) will be going north on the 1st of April and want to meet me there so I think I will. It'll be nice to have some company and they are hilarious Brits who will keep me laughing for sure. They are coming from spending 2 months in Africa so it will be great to hear their experience.
So I'm off to bed...good night. xoxoxox